I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
