hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
