Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
