I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
