stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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