So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry about my life...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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