If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
