you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
