You're my little dorito
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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