it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
