for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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