Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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