My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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