This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
