Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
