Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
