I wanna passion pit in your ass
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
