I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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