if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
