just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
