I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
