dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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