The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
