I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
