the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
