Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
