the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
