I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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