If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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