Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
