I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
