It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
