Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
