i just wanna soil my oats bro
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
