A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
