Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
