before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
