Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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