i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
