He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
