Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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