oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
