I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
