Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
