FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
