Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
