Need sex. Gaining weight.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
