Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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