I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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