Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
